femme fatale

Earlier today I attended a whole day seminar “Parenting That Makes A Difference” in our church GCF (Greenhills Christian Fellowship) havin’ the Tan-Chi family as our speakers led by Pastor Peter (the husband)& wife Donna of CCF (Christ Commissioned Fellowship)..It ended up six pm but mind you nobody got bored well in fact, you would hardly notice how time flies…they were really a superb & effective speakers.

On my way home I immediately thought of posting this in my Blog but of course I have to go online when my two lil angels –Czeskah & Cassy are already sleeping…So when I arrived home I changed Cassy’s clothes & feed her…Had dinner..took a shower & watched a video with Czeskah, my eldest daughter. We watched a recorded tape of Eat Bulaga that was shown this noon time..(why? because my sister Ianne was one of the judges together with some celebrities - Francis Magalona, Donna Cruz & Pops Fernandez for the grand finals of Little Ms. Philippines & my sister will award the Enervon Bright Child)..we were all happy by simply seein’ my sister on the boob tube & be proud of her *wink*

By 1030pm I logged in to friendster — excited to share the topic in our seminar

Parenting is a serious business that’s why I would always embrace the opportunity of goin’& listenin’ to seminars about parenting 101 — coz there’s always soooo much more to know…so much to learn & sooo much to do bout being a parent…you will learn something everyday.

Lemme share you some things I’ve learned from this seminar & I know with God’s help I MUST walk the talk…

The Big Picture…

1. WHAT GOD WANTS US TO KNOW ABOUT OUR CHILDREN

a. Our children are GIFTS
b. Our children have NEEDS - physically,emotionally,spiritually
c. Our children need to be TAUGHT “almost” EVERYTHING - be CONSISTENT in teaching your children
d.Our children nedd to have a personal RELATIONSHIP with GOD
e. Our children are UNIQUELY designed by God
f. Our children are not ROBOTS

2. WHAT GOD WANTS US TO KNOW ABOUT PARENTING

a.Parents are responsible to TRAIN their children
- parenting is a SACRED task assigned to us by GOD

b. Parent s are not to EXASPERATE their children
- parents exaperate & provoke their children by: unrealistic expectations, unreasonablerules, failure to
train them, impatience,temper, verbal abuse, failure to keep commitments, hpocrisy & favoritsm

c.Effective parenting is not AUTOMATIC

d.Parenting is a process - we need to persevere

e. Parenting takes Godly WISDOM

f. Parenting has lasting consequences - the BAD HABITS of the parents are usually passed on to the children & the GOOD HABITS of the parents are often passed on to the children

3. HOW TO POSITIVELY INFLUENCE YOUR CHILDREN

a. Good MODELING - the law of modeling says: children COPY us either positively or negatively
- modeling is a way of life. We must “walk our talk”
- modeling is being AUTHENTIC with your children - authentic does not mean you are perfect. It
means you REAL — who you are outside and you you are inside the house should be CONSISTENT

b. good RELATIONSHIP - the law of relationship: the CLOSER the rlationship, the GREATER the influence

c. TIME - the law of time: the MORE time you spend with a peson, the GREATER is your influence on
that person.This implies spending time with our CHILDREN .. for children, love is spelled T-I-M-E!, do what they like to do, look for the MAGIC MOMENTS….magic moments are times when they OPEN up to you…when they invite you into their inner life… when they like to talk…magic moments are NOT there all th time..YOU have to EMBRACE the opportunity when they come…view time as INVESTMENT…be AVAILABLE

d. LISTEN - the law of listening - the more you LISTEN to your children, the more you UNDERSTAND THEM, the more you understand them, the more you can INFLUENCE them.

The communication style of most parents is LECTURE rather than listen — listenin’ is a DISCIPLINE that needs to be learned — listening opens upthe doors of COMMUNICATION

HOW TO LISTEN:

- Interact - don’t REACT
- Resist the impulse to LECTURE - lecture is NOT effective
-Give them your full ATTENTION
-Ask QUESTIONS to draw them out
- Listen to their feeling
-Listen to UNDERSTAND
-Listen first before TALKING
-Listen without getting ANGRY

e. POSITIVE words - the law of words : words IMPACT lives —- AFFIRM through positve words — correct POSITIVELY - remeber the purpose of correction: to ENCOURAGE toward positve change not to punish…to BULID UP not to tear down…SANDWICH correction bet. positive statements —compliment good CHARACTER - develop a DETECTIVE eye for good behavior in your children…give them more COMPLIMENTS than corrections

f. UNCONDITIONAL love - the law of love: Unconditional love ENCOURAGS positive change

FIVE LANGUAGES OF LOVE: TOUCH..TALK..TASK..THINGS..TIME

g. Expect the BEST - children LIVE UP to our expectation

4. HOW TO DISCIPLINE YOUR CHILDREN EFFECTIVELY

Purpose of discipline:
a. reinforce GOOD HABITS
b. reinforce OBEDIENCE
c. reinforce RESPECT
d. reinforce VALUES
e. reinforce BLESSING

BASIS OF DISCIPLINE - there are no problematic children, only problematic parents

a. based on parent- child relationship
b. based on LOVE
c It is for the child’s GOOD

WHAT DO YOU DISCIPLINE YOUR CHILDREN FOR?

Simply two things: DISOBEDIENCE & DISRESPECT

HOW TO DISCIPLINE

a. Consistent, clear RULES - should be few.. must EXPLAIN rules - should be CLEAR …must carry CONSEQUENCES

b. Consistent HUSBND & WIFE rules ( in my case, sine I’m a simle parent — consistent with my parents:the grandparents of my children)…AGREE on rules..REVIEW rules carefuyy..say No to IMPORTANT matters only

c. Consistent in our LOVE

TRAING YOUR CHILDREN

a. begin EARLY
b. Be INTENTIONAL.Plan to tech them in the ff. areas: mental..physical..emotional..social..spirtual
c. be AUTHORITATIVE not auuthoritarian - dont be controlling..be reasonable & listen to their IDEAS.. involve them in making decisions
d. Use NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES for disobedience & irresponsible behavior - allow them to suffer the NATURAL consequences of disobedience
d. Use rewards for obedienc & responsible behavior - priveleges..verbal PRAISE
e. treat them the WAY you want them to treat you
f. Major on major MAJORS - not everything has to be an ISSUE
g. Dont ATTACK the person but you have to deal with the PROBLEM
h.Rememeber “this too shall pass away

There are more points to tuckle on my next post …..ZZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZzzzzzzzzzzz

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After watchin’ Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Herbie is the next film I’ve watched (so, u can just imagine how many movies i missed)that’s because i usually watched movies with my 8 yr. old daughter & make it a point not to miss any movies of her age…Herbie is another feel good movie… i enjoyed the film so much & can relate to the story — not because I’m a drug racer, it’s because we owned a beattle way back my younger years when most of my drivin’ memories(as a passenger of course!)were spent in our volks beattle…. i can still freshly remember that Dad or Mom need not beep us to open the gate coz few houses away from our car we can already here the vroom vroom sound of the beattle…

Come 1997 (years & years passed by when we were already settlin’ here in Manila for good)when my first daughter was born, my mom purchased a brand new Volkswagen Polo Classic… i personally don’t have any emotional attachment to this car but just the same i missed it sooo much when we already have to sell it especially that my mom named that car HERBIE…My mom told us that the original film Herbie was shown durin’ her HS or College days…

HOORAY HERBIE!!!

Watch the movie,if it’s still showin’ in d big screen or buy dvd or vcd — i guess it just eneded to most cinemas since they just changed film yesterday)

Anawim is a place for ederly people like the famous Golden Acres…..twas more than a decade when I last visited Golden Acres durin’ our HS fieldtrip…Now @ 29, it’s a different feeling— somehow up close & personal…for a couple of hours stay in Anawim,you can really feel their sentiments…loneliness..so helpless & all alone…tears will start rollin’ on your cheeks.It was also a wonderful experience makin’ them happy for some moments…i got to feed a bed ridden gramma named Lola Elena & she hardly remember her past…she made me happy too when she said “Thank You”…a totally different feelin’ of JOY!

Surely, there will be a next visit maybe to tahanang walang hagdan or anywhere somethin’ like this

I’d like to thank HIM for all the blessings HE is showerin’ me & my family

It’s holiday today — SONA - State of the Nation Address of PGMA & my first time to blog….I’ve been wantin’ to do this when my friend in Davao, Jinggay introduced me to the world of blog…but i immediately thought that you needa allot too much time in doin’ this & the whole world can access what’s goin’ on with you — NO Privacy…So i scrap the idea then — telllin’ myself blog is not for me.Months passed by & everytime i opened my mail i somehow get irritated when all i have to do is to delete all the announcements of my friendster circle updatin’ their blogs..new announcements…wishin’ one day when i open my mail there will be no friendster news bout blog thing coz i get tired of deletin’ those messages in my inbox — it even came to a point wherein i don’t delete anymore sa sobrang nakakatamad na to do the clickin……and finally said to myself why not give it a try…share my thoughts & the wonderful things that are happenin’ to my everyday life —-so, here i am!